1.14 AM - post Diwali Friday. Things that I need to change:
I do commit, but like in a kinda sorta way. (Narrator: he doesn't) Both in relationships and plans. Need to commit and see things through.
The environment matters, but only so much. I, literally, have the best people with me in my life at this point. Stop blaming the environment.
I have a constant fear of time running out. And in some ways, it is running out. But that fear makes me play the short game, chosing instant gratification instead of long shots. Need to play the longer game and get tid of FOMO. Someone will always be earning more, someone will always be travelling more. Gotta be focuses on goals.
SHOW UP, FOR OTHERS
I need to help others more. Be there more for others. Somewhere the cynic in me believes that if I am too nice, I'll get screwed over. And probably, once or twice, I will be. It's not worth not showing up the other times.
Work hard, but not on the breadth of things. On depth. I can not learn music, write, go to Cult, do side projects, give 110% at work. So, need to pick a couple items. Other than day job and Cult it's extremely hard to find time for other things. But then I do spend a lot of time just not doing anything - just opening and closing Instangram/Twitter. You know those voids. That time has to go away and be filled with more meanigful work. At the same time I don't want to sacrifice realtionships.
There are some things for which I can take the long route - writing, fitness, for example. I can have 6 month plans for these things, year long plans. But other things require more focused deep work. I can not spend an year learning a new programming language, because that's a toy. I am not going to need it, and I'll just be confusing being busy with learning.
KEEP A NOTEBOOK
It's not about the notes, it's about giving a physical form to your intentions.
one thing I want to experiment with is managing stuff like a software Sprint. At the end of 15 days, evaluate, take a day break, then run again. I started it at the start of this year, but I think I did the mistake of picking up too many things. Maybe now I am more self aware? Being jaded is same as being self aware, right? The romantic in me feels like I'll be killing the joy of life if I start treating everything as a softare project, but then the growth hacker in me is like "how will get more clicks otherwise?" Or downloads, whatever it is that they optimize for these days.